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Soooo Exhausted

by izatga88

I'm totally wiped out after everything I've done this week. I had to force myself to just go to sleep & avoid poking at myself last night.

This post may possibly address some questions that have been appearing recently in my PM box, so ~

The other night (not sure which night exactly, but it was after my last comment posting), I happened across a website or two when I was rubbing myself all over like a cam whore chugging energy drinks - Bimbo Candy in particular. I actually think that someone may have suggested this site to me at some point in the past, but I can imagine I was too "out of it" to actually realise what they were trying to link me to. There's an awesome mix of inspiring photos to reference when getting larger boobs and stuff.

Most importantly, the blog posts over there from the person apparently running the site really struck a chord with me - she seems to have the same attitude about things as I do. In a particular post, she pointed out that she was a sort of geek/slut in college - she could have an insanely intelligent conversation with a guy, but then they'd only look at her intellectually rather than as a girl wanting her brains fucked out. That pretty much sums up how I've felt about things. Having read through another person's similar perspective on the matter, I think I'm a lot more at peace with myself so far as finding a guy and letting him slowly turn me into his personal fucktoy.

I know I've been fighting with myself over this past year & what I really want to do.....when it comes down to it, I ~do~ want a guy to help take me from start to finish & will really help promote a "bimbo mentality" within myself. On the other hand, I'd want to also trust that if the time came to stop that for a short while and get serious about stuff, he'd be perfectly fine with that & be able to adjust at a moment's notice.....maybe I AM bipolar? XD

I dunno.....there are days where I just want to shut myself off and only have to be worried about orgasming to the best of my ability, but then there are days like today where I have serious work that needs done & I need to charge through at full speed to get finished. One way or the other though, I need to seriously accept the fact (and I have more and more as of late) that I'm not going to EVER be truly happy until my tits are blocking my view of the floor and bending over causes guys to automatically cum in their pants on sight.

Comments

- izatga88

A point that I forgot:

I think my fear with picking up a guy that would actually treat me like a proper bimbo.....I usually get the impression from that type of guy that they don't particularly see anything special in ~me~ as an individual......like, it could have been ANY random bimbo they picked up, and I just happened to be in the right spot at the right time. Any attempt on my part to act intelligent or want an intimate emotional connection/equal partnership out of the relationship would either scare them off or get them angry.

- curiousguy92

I wouldn't necessarily call it bipolar. I'd just call it cautious. It sounds like what you really want is to be able to separate your work and intellectual life from your sexual fantasies, which is normal and plausible. It'd take the right guy, and sure there are assholes out there who would only want ~a~ bimbo, but if you found a decent guy to actually connect with, I can almost guarantee that he'd be all in in making you his personal bimbo slut. I just recently started reading through your journal entries, so correct me if I'm wrong, but my impression is that you'd like to strike a balance between bimbo and regularly functioning human being, where you're competent enough to do your work, but sexual enough that when guys look at you they just see the big titty bimbo, and when you go home to your man you can't help but have him plow your brains into an orgasmic mush. Nothing wrong with wanting that. ;)

- Big_Mamba

Bipolarism is an illnes, what you are living through is just a mere reorientation in life :)

- izatga88

Yup, that's it exactly Curiousguy. From time to time, I seem to somehow forget that.....I guess it's probably because I don't look in the mirror & see a bimbo staring back at me right now.

- curiousguy92

Well, your course of action is entirely up to you. But if you can keep in mind what your ultimate goal is, it might help you get to the right balance. I'll be following along to see what happens.

- mutatedbunnyboy

I hope you find a guy you can be happy with, he'll be a lucky man :)

- curiousguy92

P.S. Are you still seeing that guy you mentioned in earlier entries, or is he no longer in the picture?

- izatga88

Once or twice.....it doesn't seem to be anything more than bumping into each other at the same place now & then and saying hello to each other for a few minutes.

I could obviously try to make a move, but he's usually so busy with work that I'm not sure the time could be found to really do anything fun at the moment.

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