Being "not a man" is the feeling that I want to achieve. I am not a man and i love that feeling, though at this point, i'm not sure exactly what that means. I know I am not a man because I do not want to lead or think or decide things like men like to do. That characteristic of not being a man could include being in the sense of yielding and receiving. It is not necessarily just womanly, for we can think of political leaders who have strong personalities and who are strong leader and who like to lead and think and decide things for themselves.

I do not want to think for myself, really, or to lead or make decisions for others. I do not want to take on responsibilities. It feels good when others think and decide for me.