My dad’s jaw dropped when I lumbered into the living room from the front door, having slammed it open hard enough to break the glass. My heavy, stomping footfalls beat on the hardwood flooring. When I got close to him, he stuttered some pathetic nonsense about the door, but I cut him off mid sentence.

“Nah Da…. Da.. Dauuude! Duude! Fuck bro! I mean DUDE! FUCK!” I gripped my head in my meaty, calloused hands, shaking it to try and unhinge the elaborate training I’d been forced to endure at Uncle Rick’s Summer Camp. Dad had though it’d be a good idea to send me there, to learn responsibility or some garbage, not realizing it was a camp for delinquents, where troubled boys “became men”

I rolled my shoulders as the brainwashing took hold once more, curling my hands into fists and bellowing, “Fuck it! I don’t give a shit about the door DUDE! It’s YOUR fucking fault anyway!”

I hadn’t meant to swear, hell, I didn’t even mean to say that. It just spewed out of me, just as the training had intended. Aggressive, assertive, manly men. After that, my dad tried all week to make things right, still shocked at my near 80lb growth spurt, my need for a whole new wardrobe. Although, anytime I tried to wear a shirt while the sun was out, I’d thump my chest, flex my bi’s and shout, “Sun’s Out Gun’s Out Bro!”

He commented on my stench, I work up quite a sweat doing my mandatory 200 pushups, situps, squats and pullups each morning, showering only at the end of the day, but after the 4th time, I grabbed him by the back of the head and shoved his face into my bushy, ripe pit until he said he‘d shut up about it.

A lot changed that Summer. I was suddenly popular with all the “cool” kids, being quite a bit larger and far hotter than all of them. Girls were all over me, even the gay dudes wanted a piece, which, “a hole’s a hole” kept running through my head while I fucked anyone willing to submit. I was the new Crown Prince in town, and although I hated every bit of the conditioned, forced behavior, I gotta admit, it’s got some perks!