SlutinmyHead's files

A place to post about the success you've had with the various files

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Postby rgn » June 17th, 2012, 4:24 pm

slutinmyhead wrote:...My concern is that this may be distracting. I am totally open to feedback about tweaking this file to either focus entirely on me or entirely on your partner...


I did not find those suggestions distracting... all these genital sensations I am having this afternoon triggering me to think of you? well that's a nice distraction! (time to focus rgn)

I listened again this morning and actually heard most of the suggestions at the end of the file. It usually happens eventually. Not that I remember them all. But I seem to recall you saying the generosity would be focused at a partner, at SimH, or at both. Whatever I imagined. At least that is my impression at the moment. So far from a distraction to me.

However, I am unsure if I am really into being generous financially. I do not seem to have second thoughts about being more responsive to agreeing to doing things and actually just doing things because I think it will be appreciated. Just second thoughts about the monetary parts. So that part is not as appealing to me sexually. My hypnosis experiences so far have taught me I can instantly pick up suggestions that immediately appeal to me and just get an influence from those that do not. Over time I think the unappealing may become more appealing. But it takes a little more time. And my trust in the hypnotist plays into this greatly.

What I am amazed with is how much this file has effected my sexual response to you. The crush was there, the sexual thoughts and feelings were there. Now I have these intense sensations to go along with it.

And now leaving you feedback makes me feel even better ... makes me feel really good AND it greatly intensifies those sensations. I am still unsure how to explain in words because the combination of feelings and sensations are so strong and a new experience for me. The best I can do is say typically these sensations would make me be at least partially erect, driving me to need orgasm. But now for some reason I seem just shy of that point. I want it but I do not feel I am at the point I must have it. But I am so close. It feels amazing.

Thanks for the drink offer. If I find myself heading towards San Diego I will definitely let you know. Maybe it will happen one day (another fantasy I can focus on)!
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Postby slutinmyhead » June 22nd, 2012, 7:20 pm

My new file Therapy Through Submission (the way better, gay version) is now available on www.gayhypnosis.com... I am slowly migrating my gay-themed files from here to there. My goal is to earn more from what I love without charging more. Please check out the site from time to time when you get a chance... Thanks!
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Postby Jeshi » June 22nd, 2012, 9:58 pm

slutinmyhead wrote:My new file Therapy Through Submission (the way better, gay version) is now available on www.gayhypnosis.com... I am slowly migrating my gay-themed files from here to there. My goal is to earn more from what I love without charging more. Please check out the site from time to time when you get a chance... Thanks!


That file sounds really really good, I think I might try to scrounge up $20 and make my first file purchase ever. It just sounds so perfect for me. I'm still gonna do my typical wait-a-week-before-any-recreational-purposes thing but I'm very much considering it.
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Postby slutinmyhead » June 23rd, 2012, 9:14 pm

I'd try to entice you with a money-back guarantee, though my Paypal account was suspended for having adult content, so I'm not sure how I'd get it to you. I would love to break your file purchasing cherry though. Personally, I've bought tons of them over the years. For me, it's like indulging in the occasional Starbucks or movie. I have plenty of files I've gotten years of use from (and yes, plenty I only ever listened to once too). I can't say that about my venti white mocha or even the Avengers. I often wish people reviewed erotic hypnosis files as in-depth as their Amazon purchases to help me avoid the crap purchases, but the really good files make it all worth it.

I can sweeten the deal this way. Hate it and I'll give you any two of my other pay files free. Feel free to dicker if you have a better idea :)
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Postby Jeshi » June 23rd, 2012, 10:59 pm

slutinmyhead wrote:I'd try to entice you with a money-back guarantee, though my Paypal account was suspended for having adult content, so I'm not sure how I'd get it to you. I would love to break your file purchasing cherry though. Personally, I've bought tons of them over the years. For me, it's like indulging in the occasional Starbucks or movie. I have plenty of files I've gotten years of use from (and yes, plenty I only ever listened to once too). I can't say that about my venti white mocha or even the Avengers. I often wish people reviewed erotic hypnosis files as in-depth as their Amazon purchases to help me avoid the crap purchases, but the really good files make it all worth it.

I can sweeten the deal this way. Hate it and I'll give you any two of my other pay files free. Feel free to dicker if you have a better idea :)


Well, I'm really tempted now. The main thing is that I'm liked the definition of the broke student. I might cave before my week-long waiting period ends. It's very tempting. Very very tempting.
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Postby slutinmyhead » June 26th, 2012, 3:25 pm

Not really sure where to announce this, but I just updated submissive heterosexual cocksucker. I have become a bit more proficient on Audacity and figured out how to make Heartwould's voice louder during the part where she is repeating my suggestions.

Anyone who wants the updated version, please let me know and I'll pm a link.
Last edited by slutinmyhead on June 27th, 2012, 4:06 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Jeshi » June 26th, 2012, 7:44 pm

So today I started to feel my depression coming on again so I bought the gay version of Therapy Through Submission from gayhypnosis.com and just finished listening to it a few minutes ago. I started the file laying on my back and woke up on all fours with the most ragingly hard cock I've had as far as I can remember, extremely turned on and feeling really really wonderful about myself (and about SIMH.)

I don't remember all of the file, but I feel really great. I have a hard time remembering what things I even used to worry about or be depressed over. And I feel like if they ever come back, I can just listen to this file or any SIMH file and feel great again. I'm thinking I might start going on hikes while listening to SIMH files, it would be a fun away to make exercise less monotonous for sure. I could think about SIMH's cock the whole time, that would be fun. That's another thing, I can't keep my mind off of SIMH's cock. I just keep drifting back to it. It's probably an amazing cock, oh if we only we weren't on opposite coasts. I have fantasies at least.

After the file ended, SIMH did his whole "This file came from this website and I appreciate feedback" speech and at one point he said "please explore my website carefully" or something like that, and I ended up hearing it as a command. So even though I've already seen the descriptions of all the files on gayhypnosis.com back when they were posted on WMM, I ended up finding myself just looking around the website a bunch before coming here to post, not really looking or thinking anything in particular, just looking around. I felt really great about it the whole time though.

I really enjoyed the file, it exceeded all of my expectations. If there's anything you want me to do for you SIMH, anything at all, I am ready and receptive to do it. You could use this as a testimonial if you want, if that would make you happy. I just feel so great and grateful right now. I loved this file.
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Postby slutinmyhead » June 27th, 2012, 4:34 am

Great letter! I would love to use this as a testimonial, and I am really glad you bought the file. Maybe it's silly, but I totally get off that it was me who busted your cherry. Wish you could see. I am grinning ear to ear. This is more fun than fishing...

Strange how my every little triumph in the field of erotic hypnotism lifts me up something wonderful, whereas even my big successes in my RL career just make me feel dissatisfied, like I'm meant for something more.

Snaring you is the success that has my shadow self dancing a happy jig tonight. Much thanks for that :)

Wahahahahahahaha!
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Postby rgn » June 28th, 2012, 1:34 am

Jeshi wrote:...I'm thinking I might start going on hikes while listening to SIMH files, it would be a fun away to make exercise less monotonous for sure. I could think about SIMH's cock the whole time, that would be fun...


This sounded like a great idea, so I tried it tonight. I had a stressful day and had a strong desire to walk for an hour. I chose hear my name because its 51 minutes long. This was an interesting experience. It was already dark outside and I was walking through a neighborhood with hardly any traffic to worry about. I seemed to slowly drift into a light trance as the file progressed. My body seemed to be on autopilot just walking steady through the neighborhood while my mind was focused on SimH's voice. The longer I listened, the more focused I became with SimH's suggestions and the less attention I paid to walking. I also felt mildly more aroused at times especially when I looked into Justin's eyes. Certainly made the hour pass a bit faster. When the file ended I noticed how tired I was actually feeling. Being in a light trance seemed to mask the fatigue and kept me on track to walk continuously at a steady pace.

Thanks for the idea Jeshi.
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Postby slutinmyhead » June 28th, 2012, 1:50 pm

I do 25 minutes on the stairmaster four times a week and almost always listen to erotic hypnosis. I live alone, so can get away with this, but also pretty much play it throughout the house when I'm getting ready for work, cleaning, etc. I've also listened during my commute, though you're not really supposed to do this... That whole death thing... But I seem to be able to keep from going too deep driving...

The time I feel like it has the most impact though is right before bed and immediately upon waking, during the period between my alarm going off (or first waking up) and actually getting out of bed.

The point here is that you have more opportunities to listen than you think. The key to making files work is repetition.
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Postby rgn » June 28th, 2012, 8:59 pm

I usually listen to files when I go to bed and if I have time I listen when I wake up. If I am feeling run down and I am alone (especially on Saturday or Sunday afternoon), I will lie on the bed and listen as well. The afternoon and morning listens seem to feel rejuvenating. Right a bed time relaxes me and helps me get to sleep.

I suspect I will start listening while walking more often. Especially at night.
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Postby Jeshi » July 1st, 2012, 1:59 pm

So I figured out a way to get hypnosis files onto my iPod without them showing up on shuffle (yes, yes, this is an "audiobook" by the great author S. I. MyHead) and so I tried listening to a file in the morning when I didn't want to get up (Hear My Name) and it really is a great time to listen to files. Didn't want to get up at 9:30am on a Sunday but couldn't get back to sleep, listened to a file, and next thing I know it's 12:00pm and I feel wonderful. Hear My Name is still such an amazing file, I love it.
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Postby rgn » July 1st, 2012, 2:23 pm

I too am really enjoying Hear My Name. Daily when I have time. Followed closely by Therapy Through Submission for Gay Men. Submissive Homosexual Cocksucker slips into play on occasion - tried listening to it while walking last night and it worked very well also. Usually once a month I have the strong desire to listen to Collaring Ceremony. These are my favorites at the moment. Master Justin is in control - and I am enjoying it immensely!
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Postby ftslave67 » July 4th, 2012, 7:20 am

"Therapy" is a great file, although I have only listened to it once (I think).
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Postby Jeshi » July 9th, 2012, 1:03 pm

I listened to Collaring Ceremony for the first time a few nights ago and it was an amazing file. Every once and a while I just notice my neck and feel like I'm wearing something, and then I think of SiMH and get really turned on. It has also made other files by SiMH that I've listened to be feel much more stronger.
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Postby rgn » July 10th, 2012, 7:33 pm

If you are enjoying collaring ceremony, therapy through submission, hear my name (just to mention a few) then I recommend you try the newest file - "Turning Japanese". Something about this file shot my arousal through the roof today!
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Fucking A

Postby slutinmyhead » July 11th, 2012, 3:13 pm

There's also a new anal themed recording on gayhypnosis.com, appropriately titled Fucking A. It's intended to present a compassionate anal experience, with a patient lover and an emotional connection. The goal here is to make anal from something potentially scary to the newbie to something intimate and welcoming. It's extremely graphic though. Even the induction - utilizing a different neural pathway than most of my others (less cognitive, more sensory) is geared towards a more immersive experience. You'll probably see more recordings using this style of induction by me...
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SimH favourites

Postby Feefy » July 16th, 2012, 3:05 pm

Perpetually loaded onto my tiny iPod:
Get Lucky
Hypnosis Works Too Well
Phallophillia (with & without)
Neural Remapping (+support)
and I listen to all these often, I think the first two for instruction/affirmation, the third for amusement and the fourth for training. All for pleasure.

These are my favourites so far! There are plenty of fresh delights amongst SimH's superb works still to be tried.

I'm discovering I have a resistance to writing comments under posted mp3s even though I'm aware that is the minimum courtesy the author deserves. Maybe because it feels like writing a review and to do that I feel I should be fully aware of the content to be fair (I'm usually in trance, I think, early in their progress) . Also, the ridiculous idea that I should have listened to most files on the system before having sufficient discernment to offer useful feedback. I think I'll stop being so precious about it and just do it for the files above at least. I think I can post more than once if I have anything to add or change?

Also, how will I get hold of some of the scripts you wanted recorded?
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Re: SimH favourites

Postby rgn » July 16th, 2012, 9:10 pm

Feefy wrote: ...I'm discovering I have a resistance to writing comments under posted mp3s even though I'm aware that is the minimum courtesy the author deserves. Maybe because it feels like writing a review and to do that I feel I should be fully aware of the content to be fair (I'm usually in trance, I think, early in their progress)...


I had similar feelings early on. And still do on occasion as I still forget many, if not most, suggestions from a file (even though I can sometimes remember hearing everything clearly). I came to the conclusion that even if I did not remember the file exactly, I should just post what I experienced from listening to the file a few times. The hypnotist can compare my experiences with other people's experiences to ultimately determine how well their file worked.

Besides, I also enjoy reading other people's feedback so I can compare their experiences with my own.
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Postby slutinmyhead » July 17th, 2012, 10:29 am

Feedback is what motivates me to make recordings. I just want to know someone's listening... that I'm not just talking into an empty room...

Thank you!
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Postby Jeshi » July 19th, 2012, 1:16 am

I just woke up after listening to Fucking A. I know I say this every time but What A Great File. It was really interesting, being both submissive and dominant at the same time. It wasn't like a single linear narrative I could easily follow yet at the same time it all made sense to me. I'd never even thought about fucking other mens' asses before listening to the file, I'm such a bottom usually, but now I kind of want to try it. I loved the setting of being lured to a cave and a campsite with lots of men, and that delicious food. I could easily imagine the men and they were just my type, but when I was eating that food, I had eyes only for SiMH.

It was kind of awkward, I imagined one of my straight friends during one of the many sex scenes and the post-sex cuddling. I guess when my mind is so off and out of my control like that I can't really prevent those kinds of awkward thoughts but boy is it awkward afterward going "wow, I was totally excited for getting fucked by my straight friend there, that's. . . very awkward." I guess I just got very good at not thinking of my straight guy friends that way and then I went so deep into trance that I lost the reigns.

I'm going to Provincetown for the weekend sometime soon and I'm thinking of ways I can show my butt off now. All those men. I was never really a butt person before, I didn't see what there was to see in butts, but after listening to this file, my head just keeps drifting to butts and I'm mesmerized, I feel like I'm gonna start drooling thinking about mens' butts.

What a fantastic file, it was especially good because I was taking in suggestions I didn't already know I wanted, and then as I accepted them, I could really realize how much I did want them. I'm gonna have to start stretching my asshole out so that it won't hurt the next time I attempt anal (that last and only time I tried, so painful, I'd never put anything up there before and it hurt so much after the dick barely went in.)

The new induction didn't seem to be doing much for me during the very beginning (except for the amount of trance I normally go into just from hearing SiMH's voice) but then as it went on it ended up being an amazing style. I just wasn't used to it at first.

Also I didn't know that about everyone not being able to read in dreams. I always thought that when that happened it was just because the dream itself was about me not being able to read (because I always end up just getting so focused on trying to read that I end up waking up) maybe now in the future when that happens I'll instead realize it's a dream and go lucid, that would be fun. Then I could make dreams where I experience the contents of SiMH files.
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Postby slutinmyhead » July 19th, 2012, 2:31 am

Honestly, I've never been much into anal myself either. It can really hurt! I also get a bit self-conscious about my, um, cleanliness. Part of my motivation for this file was to help make myself more comfortable with it.

I do check out asses though. Always have, but the desire that comes with the view is usually oral rather than a desire to fuck it. This file has changed that though. It seems all I'm thinking about at the moment is sliding my cock up inside someone, staying still and feeling the squeeze.

I can vouch for the prostate stimulation toys... If you're not used to anal play and want to experience something really cool, I recommend investing in one of the anerus toys. There is nothing quite like a prostate orgasm to provide immediate understanding why some guys really love anal sex.

I used to take supplements to induce lucid dreams and even once built a pair of goggles that detected when my eyes were doing rapid eye movements and would give me a red flashing light I'd see in my dreams to realize I was dreaming. This mostly helped with awareness of the dreams and recall. I never really figured out how to take control of my dreams or change them, which is probably just as well, as my subconscious puts on one hell of a show without my conscious help. The recording Early to Obey is a composite of scenes straight from my dreams, if you're curious.
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Postby rgn » July 21st, 2012, 12:18 am

The Fucking A file is superb! What a great feedback of your experience Jeshi. I really enjoy the induction being a guided meditation of sorts. I remember the cave, eating in the cave and noticing other men in the fire light. But I am completely focused on one man in that cave. The others are just in the background! They are not really in my thoughts at all with all the great sensations happening. Fucking slow and gentle. Continue dropping deeper. Being fucked slow and gentle. Dropping deeper. I eventually blank out until I am told to wake up. And I feel very satisfied and wonderful when I wake up!

Funny, this file and this discussion reminds me of the song lyrics from the 70s by Kelee Patterson - If it don't fit, don't force it, just relax and let it go... :) (and yes I did search for it on youtube to listen to while typing this)

As for butts... I have always noticed guys with nice asses, especially if they are wearing great fitting jeans. Never really put much thought about having sex with them, just enjoyed looking. The last few days though I have definitely been looking at lots of guys more closely. Especially if they have a great butt. Hopefully I am not being to obvious at work!

The aneros is an interesting toy. I have tried several models and have the same issue with all of them. The part that massages the perineum causes me discomfort after a short time. I have never managed to get the hands free orgasm they advertise. I seem to build up some interesting sensations and then it seems the prostate is sort of over stimulated. But I may not have paced myself correctly. Its probably best to go slow and limit the amount of time using the device over a period of time so I could get fully comfortable with the stimulation. It does feel very different and unusual. Masturbating to orgasm with one is quite interesting though. I may have to try the aneros again after a few more listens of this file to see if I have different experience.
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Postby rmsnk83 » July 21st, 2012, 5:26 pm

So I think the "Baby Momma" file is having some effect. I have not listened to it very often, and I still have difficulty getting into any kind of trance in general, but the file itself seems to be insidious. Either it is remarkably effective on its own, or it's just a mental shove to get me to overcome some lingering doubts about having kids, but either way, I think it took. So thanks for that!

I wish I could give you more feedback and support than that. Even though I have not had occasion to use many of your files, I admire your work ethic and your persistance. Your continued efforts to make quality products despite what often seems to be a generally unenthusiastic audience are worthy of praise.

I wish I had more occasion to make use of your other files. Fact is, while I was thrilled when I discovered this site and the concept of erotic hypnosis and its possibilities, there is very little from it that I want. If anything, the only hypnotic tweaks I'd make would actually be to my wife, who was never enthusiastic about anything erotic, but she'd never involve herself in hypnosis. Partly because she is so unenthusiastic about anything sexual, and also because she's a skeptic. Ah well.

I'm sure I'll try a few others here and there. I'll let you know if anything interesting crops up. :)
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Postby godhole » August 5th, 2012, 3:06 am

SimH, thanks for all the work you have devoted to this. I really like your files, the ones that I've heard, but can't remember what the content is specifically! As a matter of fact, even keeping other windows open I kept on spacing on the titles of the faves I want to comment on here...Lucky, Works too Well, and (see? gone again, where is it) Habit Forming.

Earlier this evening I wrote you a comment about Habit Forming, so I'll add it here. It requires a partner, and that partner has a lot of authority vested in him as a good source of feedback. But it seems to me that if there are challenges in a relationship, or dysfunctional communication patterns (say, nagging), invoking the figure of the partner into the trance may detract from the goals and vibe set earlier on with your suggestions.

Overall, though, I ~really~ like your work. So much so that I don't dare listen to some of the files (Collaring, for instance), because I go under too easily to "preview" them, or to find out if there are dealbreakers for me...like risking oversleeping my alarm and being late for work!
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Postby godhole » August 5th, 2012, 3:22 am

Jeshi wrote:...
I'm going to Provincetown for the weekend sometime soon and I'm thinking of ways I can show my butt off now.
....


Jeshi, next time you are in P'town, stop by Full Kit Gear on Commercial, right next to Spiritus. Get some chaps - Joe's got them in leather, neoprene (yum), and latex. Or at least some of those new style open-butt shorts!

Oh, and the butt training toys are in the alcove to the right of the counter. Don't forget the lube. ;)
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Postby rgn » August 5th, 2012, 10:57 pm

godhole wrote:...Overall, though, I ~really~ like your work. So much so that I don't dare listen to some of the files (Collaring, for instance), because I go under too easily to "preview" them, or to find out if there are dealbreakers for me...like risking oversleeping my alarm and being late for work!


Collaring is a nice file. I do not listen regularly. Just when the desire builds up. Usually once every month or two. Honestly, one listen typically does not cause anything too drastic. It took me awhile to learn this. True dealbreakers will not take hold quickly, if they take hold at all. The only file I remember having the suggestion to oversleep the alarm was Early to Obey - so just avoid that one!

I usually try to preview SIMHs files the first time and usually wake up when its over feeling wonderful.
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Postby godhole » August 6th, 2012, 12:14 am

I am certain Collaring is a very nice file. I'm active in the leather community, though, as a mostly-top and selective-and-devoted bottom. It would cause dissonance for me to feel collared to someone...and then be going to some major events in the upcoming weeks where I might be temporarily in service, or where I would like to be fully available if the universe sends me a fitting daddy or sir of my very own. That would likely feel very different with the non-specific Master file.

I'm also hesitant to get attached in that way to SimH (as handsome as he is!). My experience with Flanelbear's files (four, only one on WMM, though) was that he did take up a certain residence via his voice. The fact that it's not feasible to fly out and play with him tinges the files with some longing. It's a very intimate, idealized relationship...and it's very one-sided. If you haven't heard Flanellbear's files, they are all at https://sites.google.com/site/flanelbear/Home/myinductions

Re oversleeping the alarm, yes, Early to Obey is the one I was referring to. I have problems getting up and out to work, so right now I cannot afford the negative reinforcement, even on the way to a solution!
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Postby rgn » August 6th, 2012, 11:47 pm

You make a good point about the collaring file godhole. I am not active in the leather community. And I am uncertain as to whether I am really wanting to be collared and fully submissive to someone. Although I am drawn to that file on occasion and it leaves me feeling very good. Someone active in the leather community would likely have a different interpretation of the suggestions.

I also had some initial thoughts of whether it was a good idea to get so attached to someone I have not met. Or even spoken with. So far it has been an interesting experience for me. There are some great fantasies going on in my head with all my mental images of gazing into his blue eyes! Honestly, I am not exactly sure where this is headed, but so far its been quite satisfying. Somehow it does not feel one-sided to me yet. I just keep reminding myself it is a fantasy. A very realistic fantasy!

And I am with you regarding oversleeping an alarm. I do not need any suggestions that might allow me to oversleep more than I currently do. My mind would probably work it out so I would oversleep every day. I am not a morning person. Never have been. Even as a young child. I am actually of the opinion the only reason I should be awake at sunrise is because I have not been to sleep yet.
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Postby slutinmyhead » December 8th, 2012, 11:12 pm

Just posted a new blog at slutinmyhead.com if anyone's interested... Ah fuck it... I'll just cut and paste it here...

For most of my life, I've been a misfit in society. I never quite fit in with the overachievers growing up. They were focused on grades and followed the rules. I was often drawn to counterculture ideas, anti-authority ideals and hell bent on exploiting the system. This made me a hero among my underachiever friends, but there was often a disconnect there too. I would often focus on big ideas or immerse myself in various projects that my druggie friends simply had little interest in (but they sure did love it when I learned to make various drugs). The result was that I compartmentalized myself. I tried not to horrify the kids in my gifted classes or in science club (yes, I was in science club). I also did drugs with the druggies, engaged in a little crime now and then, became sexualized much younger than anyone else I knew and tried not to take it personally that every time I tried to talk about something real, everyone called me crazy.

I dropped out of high school on my 16th birthday, scored a perfect score on the GED and qualified for a scholarship to college. I got straight As my first semester, then flaked out my second. I embezzled $6000 from my place of employment and hopped a cargo train to New Orleans. The next decade or so, I hitch-hiked and hopped trains all over the U.S., occasionally coming home for a semester or two and eventually managing to pick up a degree. During that time, I lived by my wits, scammed companies everywhere and really did party like a rock star. It's amazing I survived. I also joined MENSA for a couple of meetings, still didn't find what I was looking for, and returned to the comfort of my mostly interchangeable drug friends. These were fun years of chasing spirituality and meaning and even sometimes convincing myself I'd found it (thank you LSD). I did loads of traveling: all over Europe, the middle East, Central America, Mexico, the Carribbean islands, Canada, and of course, the U.S.

I've since earned a second degree and become respectable, but have always been haunted by my "potential." All my life, I've been told I had such potential and by so many people, and yet I've never been able to execute any of the things it's been most important to me to accomplish. I've done loads of other weird shit... concocting a dietary supplement that makes semen addictive, growing a culture of smallpox vaccine, etc... As it turns out, this affliction is actually pretty common among gifted adults, but it really is psychological torture. I exist in a bubble of existential ennui. What does it all mean? Very possibly - nothing.

Last week, I turned 38. The week before I was diagnosed with optic neuropathy in my left eye and told I'd eventually lose all vision in it. I walk pretty well, but have ominous pain in my left knee by evening and expect this will only worsen with age. I've got high blood pressure and my heart skips beats. My worst fear is that I'll have a stroke. Young people don't survive them.

Will I ever be a success? Probably not. Will I ever have kids? I really want them and always expected to have them eventually. But probably not. So, what is my life about? What am I here for? These have been hard questions to answer and I'm still having trouble accepting the answers I have,

So, last weekend, I decided it was time for something drastic.

I built a transcranial direct current stimulator. It was easier than I expected it to be. I've spent the past week augmenting and dampening select anatomical structures of my brain. For my first experiment, I stimulated my dorsolateral prefrontal cortex. I took an IQ test before and a different one after, with a net gain of 40 points. Effects seemed to last about a half hour afterward. For my second experiment, I temporarily gave myself autism with the intention of developing savant abilities. I had an improved ability to do math in my head. I also tried drawing, but this was more difficult to gauge, as I'm already a pretty decent artist. Continued experiments are on their way... One of my plans is to experiment with inducing temporal lobe epilepsy, particularly to nurture the side effect of hypergraphia. I will finally write those books!

I also recently ordered several precurser chemicals to produce my own neurotransmitters. I've been thinking for some time about the biological basis for internal motivation. It's been determined that intrinsic motivation is more effective than external rewards, yet research is notoriously scant on where intrinsic motivation comes from. I've been thinking long and hard on this the last month or so. It seems to me, like so many other aspects of our selves, it's based on a combination of nature and nurture. What we're born with - I think - is curiosity and an aversion to boredom, basically a desire for novelty, most likely due to dopamine. I am currently thinking these first drives are reinforced by your parents with the external reward of attention and praise. This develops into satisfaction at being effective and pride for one's accomplishments, likely the result of serotonin.

I know myself well enough to determine I am influenced heavily by dopamine. My life has basically been a chase for ever increasing novelty. It is possible I may have had low serotonin during one of my stages of development. Any satisfaction I derive from my accomplishments is fleeting, and I have a tendency to be particularly hard on myself for my perceived failings. I was supposed to have saved the world by now...

Well, 95% of your serotonin is made in your gut lining and I was a very picky eater as a kid, so it's possible I missed introducing some vital species of flora. Is it too late to change? Is there still time to reach my potential before I'm blind and crippled and my brain's filled with blood clots?

So many of my experiments are really about fixing myself. So much of my fascination with psychology and neuroscience is about the mere flimsy hope of someday reaching my potential.

I've ordered mct, aniracetam, dlpa, dopa mucuna, green tea extract, gaba, 5-htp and oxytocin. I've also recently stumbled on a biohacker group out of L.A. that has an EEG machine and an interest in genetics I'm already considering how to make useful for my cause.

My fans - and I love you all - have been sending emails asking when I'll come out with more recordings. I do have some partially written scripts, but I can't work on them now. I'm busy. The truth is... I'm going to reach my potential. I'm going to do it soon or I'm going to die trying.
slutinmyhead
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Postby PowerHoden » January 17th, 2013, 7:10 pm

slutinmyhead wrote:I was a very picky eater as a kid, so it's possible I missed introducing some vital species of flora.



In my opinion children are alot more aware of what they need and want to eat than grown ups are. They seem to instinctively know what their body needs.




Anyway, good post and I wish you good luck. Some of the things you describe are beyond my comprehension, even though I have been considered quite above average in intelligence as well.

Buts thats a different story. I hope you do well and you might find what you are looking for.

Dont let any of the expectations of others get through to you though. Its your decision what you do with your potential.
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