by smooth9 » March 1st, 2019, 12:05 pm
So, I'm new to these forums but wanted to share my experience with these sorts of files so far. I'm 44, been married for 15 years. I've periodically had fantasies about guys throughout the years going all the way back to when I was just 12 years old. However, I've never done anything with a guy. When I was younger, I used to dismiss these occasional thoughts as either "oh that's gross" or "doing gay things is something that happens to other guys, not me". I would dismiss these thoughts as a phase. But, in recent years, I've come to realize that anything that sticks around this long has to be at least a part of who I am.
To me, having these periodic thoughts of guys was annoying. I wanted to be 100% straight, no confusion. Because I"m naturally interested in exploring the mind and have thought about hypnosis before I wanted to see if something like this would work on me. I found some videos on YouTube then wanted something more explicit so I stumbled onto this site. I quickly bumped into the CFG files and Shattered Heterosexuality files. This was a couple of months ago. CFG was interesting at first but I wanted to sample some different things. I liked the idea of Shattered Heterosexuality because I figured - well, if I can't be 100% straight, then what would it be like to be 100% gay?
Let me tell you that Shattered Heterosexuality is EXTREMELY powerful. It was not long before I began getting chills when I would look at men (in a good way). I very quickly began dreaming of hot men. When I would get horny, I would immediately begin fantasizing about men or looking at gay porn because the feelings were so much more intense. Men's bodies just became much more sexually exciting to me. To the point that I was jerking off several times a day only thinking about men. The neat thing about this is that while this was going on, I was 100% comfortable with these feelings towards men and it began to feel natural. Although, like many others, I'm still primarily attracted to men's bodies...rarely their faces. I began to have difficulties getting erect for sex with my wife and in fact struck out a couple of times (we have a pretty inactive and boring sex life anyway).
I began to get very scared about what was happening to me. I did not want to become impotent with my wife and all the issues that would cause. But, then I figured we weren't having sex that often anyway and damn, if I didn't love stroking to men now.
Fast forward to now: I recently tried to take a break from the videos because I did not want to go too far down this path and figured if I slowed things down I could maintain a semblance of control. The most I can make it at this point is about 4-5 days without listening to the files. And when I go back, damn it is so good. I'm comfortable with these thoughts when I"m horny but I still get very embarrassed to myself when I"m around straight friends of mine and I feel ashamed at the thoughts I've been having. I don't know where this is taking me. I do know I yearn to explore what it would be like in a relationship with a man. Talking to him every day. Coming home to him and waking up next to him. I can't destroy my current life and cause pain to my family. But, I do feel confident that if (god forbid!!) something were to happen to my wife, I would at least attempt to pursue a relationship with a man. I would love to find a man that would be patient with me as I figure this all out and that I could talk through these feelings with.
Again, I don't know where I"m going with this. Maybe this is just a fantasy and it's erotic to me to be under the control of someone else. Maybe I can live out the rest of my life happily without ever acting on these thoughts. But, at this point - I do know the thoughts are real, I do know that I'm comfortable with them when I"m not around my straight guy friends, and I do know that I sure love googling men in speedos. Other than that, we will see where this goes because I have a really hard time imagining being able to step away from these files for any length of time.
es work. May be slowly but they work.
I actually started using the file when I found the site because I thought it was complete bullshit and laughed at the thought a straight man could be turned gay. I can now saying never been so happy to have been wrong in my life . I'm pretty sure you're not alone in being freaked out when you first listened I know I was feeling a little freaked out and disgusted with my first listen. Looking back now it's hard to believe I had such negative feelings for such a fabulous and wonderful file.
I really hope to see another turnee soon.