by foobaa2 » March 23rd, 2008, 4:11 pm
This all started with a little bit of curiosity a couple of years back. I was stoned and stumbled across adult.hypnoticwishes.com one night and started mastubating to an image of a shemale version of Gillian Anderson. The caption alongside the image talked about wanting to become her. I watched, I masturbated and came, closed my browser window and thought nothing more of it.
A month or so later I was stoned, alone and horny. Surfing the web I found this site, signed up for membership and started listening to TrigFemaleForm. I'm never really certain that I went into trance, but I started to listen to it more and more often. Then I started listening to cursestrokesissy, it really got into my head and I often found myself repeating my girly name "Samantha" whilst masturbating. After a week or so, I upped the stakes again and bought the Cross Dressing files when they were on sale. After only a couple of days I found myself corsetted, wearing stockings and high heels masturbating whilst repeating "Samantha".
I just freaked out, took the cloths off as quickly as possible and threw them away. Then I locked myself out of my account here (by changing my password to some random characters, using notepad and "copy and paste").
This was a real panic moment as I began realising that I didn't think there were any limits to the changes that would take place if I didn't stop immediately.
I forced myself not to listen and it lasted for a good few months. I went travelling, stopped smoking pot and got myself a girlfriend. I was happy and didn't ever think about being a shemale.
My girlfriend and I split up after a few months and I once again fell into the habit of getting really stoned late at night and sitting up surfing the internet for free porn.
I once again stumbled into warpmymind and signed up under a new name. A few weeks of cursestrokesissy and I was back to my old ways. I used to wait until everyone had gone home from work. I would lock all of the doors, close all the blinds and dress completely as a woman. I would do my make-up and take pride in my work. I spent an entire weekend locked in the office dressed a a girl, in a perpetual state of arousal. Every time got a little more serious, and again I found my conviction to the cause become more and more absolute.
The most depraved act I remember from my office was dressing completely (tight corset, sexy lingerie, make-up, nails, stockings, 4 inch heels, styled hair and a business suit on top), inserting a 7inch rubber dildo in my ass, tying myself sat down on a chair (so not to escape the dildo). Inserting my headphones with cursestrokesissy on repeat, setting my computer to repeat a subviewer preset for 6 hours and handcuffing my hands behind my back and the chair. I had a release mechanism for release after six hours.
After six hours I was so spaced out, I was chanting Samantha outloud and desperately horny. I uncuffed myself and came harder than I ever have into a glass. I then drank and loved every drop of my cum.
In a way I was lucky, the company went into liquidation and I could no longer stay in the office for these acts as the office was no longer ours. I had to look for a job, life became really complcated and I just didn't have the time or energy to continue my pursuits.
Then six months ago, I got a new job. The best paid job I have ever had. I was bought new computer equipment for both my home and my office and was set up doing research assignments in my chosen subject of Group Dynamics. A lot of this work led me to field assignments, so I spent a lot of lonely evenings in hotel rooms across the UK. I needed a way to occupy my time, but I also needed something to relax my mind. So I turned back to hypnosis. And staight back to being a wannabe shemale slut.
I bought more cloths, more dildo's and more shoes. I got my nipples and ears pierced. Now when I tie myself I can tie strings between my nipples and the heels on my shoes, so any effort to escape before time is felt in my nipples:-)
Every night for the last three months (for which time I have been working from home) I have downloaded a couple of subviewer files, combined them, dressed in my slutiest cloths and then got really stoned whilst watching my presets. Once I have finished smoking my three joints I continue to watch my files whilst masturbating to completion. As soon as I cum I swallow it all and then feel horribly degraded and humiliated. I remove my cloths immediately, delete my subviewer files and go to sleep. For a while I would throw the cloths away, but I would just end up buying panties, bras, stockings and makeup every other day and it was costing a fortune. So now I pack them up, make my futile effort to never do this again by deleting the files and then wait until the innevitable happens the next day.
I get home from work now, smoke a joint and as soon as I am stoned I begin downloading and combing my files and the whole thing starts again.
Now, I'm desperately horny sat on my friends sofa pretending to be working, but instead I am telling you my "success" story.
It is succesful, so succesful that I cannot seem to break the spell, I find myself finding newer ways to make myself more girlish without taking the steps into hormones. I find myself dreaming of sucking cock as my mouth waters. And to top it off my method of relaxation after work has become my trigger for being this shemale whore. I know that if this continues I will be out sucking cock while dressed like a slut within a matter of weeks, I crave for someone to fuck my ass.
I can only see two possibilities now:
1.) I will stop smoking pot all togther. Go back to being "normal" and never some here again. Bearing in mind that I have a ten year pot habit this may be difficult.
2.) Become a perpetualy stoned, sexy shemale with massive boobs and a desperate need to be filled in all ways. This seems like the far more likely outcome.
I'm scared really, when I'm not stoned I am disgusted with myself and I when I am stoned I am completely focussed on being a shemale slut.
Read into this what you will, this is an honest account of the last couple of years of my life. It frightens me that now I am almost proud to be this slut like creature.
All I'm saying is be careful what you wish for, or accidently stumble into when you are stoned.
Samantha