Girlfriend asking about Boyfriend who's into MC

[etchasketch]

I hope I'm on the right forum. My boyfriend of 2 years recently talked to me about his fetish of MC. He never told anyone about it before and he seemed pretty nervous about it. I tried explaining to him that he shouldn't be embarrassed and that I'm not judging him. We talked about it a little and he showed me a few videos of MC that he was into.

My question is, how do I go about making him feel completely comfortable with talking about it? I would like to try some stuff out with him, but he doesn't seem to want to indulge in the fetish at all. He said he sometimes thinks about it when we are being intimate (I guess he thinks that he's somehow controlling my actions) but that's it. Is there anything we can try out as strarters? I don't think he's interested in trying to hypnotize me or anything like that, but just looking for something that might be in his ballpark.

Any mature suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all.

[zapnosis]

Hi Etchasketch,
This thing we do can be a bit controversial for some people and talking about it can be difficult. I imagine that pretty much all of us started by lurking around websites and forums, afraid to post anything that might draw attention. After a while, for me, there was something I just HAD to comment on and when there was no backlash (naturally) I relaxed a little. Gradually it became normal to get involved and do stuff as and when it seemed fun. I can imagine a similar process within a relationship. By the sound of things your BF told you about this mostly because he was sick of holding something back from you. Now that the first barrier is broken, don't hurry things. When it feels right, talk about it again - each time it should feel more natural.

Well done and good luck!
ZAP

[demigraff]

One thing I'm wondering about, from your post, is which side your bf is approaching this from. Does he fantasise about controlling you, or being the one controlled? Or maybe he's just interested in the fantasy. I know there's people out there who like watching videos of someone in trace, with varying preferences about how realistic it should be, but aren't interested in doing these things themselves.

Some people, too, have a kind of "non consensual" fetish. They are turned on by stories, dreams and videos about someone being tricked or forced into submission; but real-life play requires consent, and I suspect your bf knows that you care about his feelings. Depending on the flavour of his fantasies, it could be that a willing partner can never be as hot as the images in his head.

Of course, what seems real and what is real might not always be the same thing in this kink. If it turns out, for example, that he likes the idea of being controlled without any chance to say no, it could be possible for him to live out this fantasy, temporarily forgetting having already agreed the details. But in that kind of scenario, of course, you need to be really sure you play safe. It could be seriously traumatic if you're not careful; but maybe seeing a possibility of this kind of thing somewhere in the future might make him more confident about trying something a little more conservative as a first step.

Taking this kind of thing into the real world is always hard. And for some people, the kind of things that work in fantasy or fiction might be too dangerous or immoral for the real world. So before you do anything, make sure you are comfortable enough to talk freely about what you really want.

[HypnoCactus]

One thing I'm wondering about, from your post, is which side your bf is approaching this from. Does he fantasise about controlling you, or being the one controlled?

This sounds about the most important part of the initial casual chats you're gonna want to have. It sounds like you are a wonderful partner with an open mind, and your reaction was about the best it could be. Just keep persevering with it in the same manner, and he'll feel more comfortable eventually. You may want a list of questions ready to prompt him for information as to his particular kink (some of which demigraff touched on.) Here are a few:

Is he interested in being controlled or the one controlling?
Is he interested in hypnosis, or general mind control?
Is there a particular action in being intimate that will trigger these thoughts, or is it random?

Also, think back to the videos that he showed you, was there a common theme that you could discern? Questions show a more genuine interest from you, shows that you thought about it seriously and aren't just trying to get material for stand-up from him.

[etchasketch]

Wow thank you all so much for responding. You've all given me a lot to thing about.

In response to Zapnosis (I like that name!)
-We've actually been talking about it over the course of our relationship. This past weekend was the first time we really sat down and discussed it. He started off initially trying to explain it, and I mistook his mind control fetish as almost a rape fetish where it's just that he forces a girl to do something. Almost a year passed before he felt comfortable enough with explaining it again and I finally started to understand what he really meant. Now, he tried talking about it more but he says that there is a lot to this fetish that I will never understand fully since it is something that I am not personally into. However, he is the one that keeps bringing up the topic, I'm not pressuring him into talking about it. Because of this I feel like he really wants to share me in this area but it is just going to be a slow process which I am fine with; as long as he's comfortable.

Demigraff:
It is definitely that he is controlling me. He is much more dominant in the bedroom which works since I'm more submissive. We haven't really done anything kinky besides I tied him up once and he did the same for me another time. We are very consensual with everything we do and even ask each other if he/she is comfortable with something as little as trying a new position. However, normally we are already in the act when we ask about trying new things, so perhaps I really should sit down with him and discuss what we each want. I don't think what he wants is anything that is too dangerous. He may not even want to act stuff out, more that he just likes to watch. I do not believe he's into hypnosis as much as general mind control. The videos he showed are more where the girl is getting turned on through another's thoughts and they react accordingly, not so much where they are in a trance. I definitely need to talk to him more about all this ha.

HypnoCactus:
Like I just said, I believe it is general mind control and not specifically hypnosis. One specific time I think I remember him mentioning that he was fantasizing about controlling me was while we talked over Skype. We are currently in a long distance relationship because we are both away at school. He really likes when I play with my boobs (Oh the things we admit to when stuff is anonymous!!!) so I do that sometimes while we Skype and I remember one time he mentioned fantasizing that he was making me do that. So it could just be a thing where he likes to believe he is controlling me, not necessarily that he is actually doing it. While watching one of the videos with him, there was a girl who had a remote control that turned on another girl in increments. He mentioned that he liked how when the girl got more and more turned on, she almost became a different person who had no morals and only cared about getting off. This actually got me thinking last night; I know it is not mind control, but maybe I'll surprise him with those vibrating panties that have a remote control so he can control when to put it on and when not to? I dunno, I'm trying! haha

[stan]

It's very early stages but you might try a little exploration of your own outside the bedroom.

Try looking on youtube or at fiction on www.mcstories.com
Find out what part of actual hypnosis appeals to you. Or what fantasies its often used for makes you think, hmm *I* like that.

Won't hurt to meet his interest with your own. Telling him what you'd like to do not right now, but at some point, is maybe something he needs to hear .

I guess what I'm saying is perhaps his had this fantasy of a hypnotised girl doing whatever he says since forever and needs you to tell him that you'll do whatever he tells you. In fact you might offer to pretend to play that game.
(Ethical warning. If his got some hypnosis experience or done his homework, you might find you really enjoy the game and it's more real than you expected)

[etchasketch]

Stan, I would really enjoy trying new things out, that's why I'm here!! I should definitely talk to him about it soon and I will, but I don't see him for another two weeks so I'll discuss it with him then. I've told him in the past that I would want to try something in the realm of mind control with him, but he's never asked to try anything and I don't want to push him.

Maybe I'll search some youtube videos or read stories to see if there is anything I enjoy about mind control, but of the videos he showed me, it's just not my thing. But I'll keep searching.

Maybe one day we will get completely into hypnotism, but I'm just trying to figure out some small things that we can try to break him out of his shell since I can tell he's a little nervous about talking about it. He's starting to come out of his shell, but he's still holding back from telling me some things I think.

[MasterGreg]

One of the things that helped me out when I got started in BDSM and Hypnosis communities was to simply talk to people. Perhaps with the added veil of anonimity he may be comfortable talking with others. After I spent some time in the old yahoo chat rooms I ended up with a mentor who taught Me a lot about a lot of things. Could help out.

[etchasketch]

I think he too has been talking on a forum and I think that is what helped him talk to me more. I just hope it isn't this forum. He doesn't know I've been doing research on the topic :P

[Slavepettrainer]

It may not be decided whether he is trying to Top or bottom. At this stage of the discussion it is socially protective to come "out" as the Top. Many Tops are living vicariously thru their subs and would easily be a willing sub for a competent, trusted Top. He may want it to be "forced". Wich do YOU want to be? He has put the ball in your court. If you want to surpass him and control him you probably can at this stage, simply mutually participate as a switch role until his direction becomes evident. The biggest fear in all this is that you both lean towards Top, (not too bad, you just may have to find a 3rd party to really enjoy your role) or both of you are bottoms, in which case it takes a real special relationship in order to exist together. (finding a competent Top(s) that is trusted by both of you can be difficult), or working out a switch agreement where one of you doesnt feel taken advantage of in the Top role.

Good luck, its a very special world if you can find it.