CalMark wrote:
Also, ox, you are doing some acting. You posts on the Yahoo group make you sound like an idiot, but when you post here, you clearly have your smarts about you.
I'm not sure if you read my post where I lamented that I can't get any of the jock files to work for me any more. I needed to overcome the "dumbness" conditioning of those early Jock files. I needed to do that so I could take care of my Mother whose Alzheimer's disease had progressed to the stage where she could not look after herself. I had to step in and be responsible for everything: pay the bills, keep track of all medications, balance both checkbooks, shop for groceries, cook every meal, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera (as the King -- Yul Brynner --said in Rodgers and Hammerstein's "The King and I". It got bad enough that Mom could not be left alone; I was a prisoner in her house for a few years.
I still have residual effects of the dumbness suggestions in all those Jock files I listened to. My spelling has been affected, as well as my grammar, and my ability to write clear, coherent sentences and paragraphs. When I'm posting in places like WarpMyMind Forums and LiveJournal, I take my time and revise and rewrite everything several times. It usually takes a minimum of ten revisions before I am fairly confident that others will understand what I am trying to express clearly (and honestly, I fall short of that goal much too often for me to be satisfied).
When I am chatting with others in various Instant Messaging forums, I spend much more time correcting spelling and grammar than I do in writing the original thought.
There is one time when I don't bother, though. When I get mail from places like AtCoachsFeet and from various jocks with whom I correspond, I actually don't bother correcting
anything. It's not because I don't care -- well, that's not precisely true -- but when I'm talking about or to Jocks, I actually "don't give a shit". The Jock conditioning takes hold then and I really don't give a shit how it looks ... or sounds ... or really, if it makes sense.
So I'm offended when you post that "you are doing some acting." You have no idea how long it took to write this post. I'm still not confident enough that what I am trying to say is clear enough that my post will not be misunderstood. After all, I have the most trouble being coherent -- much less using good grammar and spelling -- when writing about Jocks and Masculinization.
So, no, it's not an act. The posts to AtCoachsFeet are what comes from my fingers before I spend three hours in revisions, spelling corrections, and revising grammar so that it sounds (and reads) smoothly. I don't feel like I need to -- in fact, I really don't want to -- spend hours correcting grammar, spelling, and striving for clarity when an audience won't appreciate it. In fact, when I'm talking about Jocks or to Jocks, clarity, spelling, and grammar go to hell rather quickly.
You have
NO IDEA how many times I wanted to just post "fuck you, you little shit. You have no idea what I go through to be clear since I listened to my first Jock file." I haven't for one reason: great self-control.
This is how this post started out (though I did fix most of the spelling errors) before I spent the last three hours -- more! -- in constant correction while trying to be clear and erudite:
I'm not sure if I told you but I can't get any of the jock fiels to work forme after I overcame the conditioning to be dumb ... tho my spelling is for shit and i really have to go back and rewrite and correct spelling and grammar and rewrite sentences so i'm clearer. it takes longer. when i'm posting to
jock forums like AtCoachsFeet and talking to jocks and wannabe jocks, my typing and grammar and caring about being clear goes to shit.
The migraine that was caused by making this post clear and concise is going to make me stop now.