How to brainwash yourself: a blog

How to brain wash yourself: a web blog
01/09/2011
So I have finally started to do what I have fantasized about doing for weeks. I am so excited! I can already feel the effects of the first session I did yesterday. Nikki will be so pleased when she comes to collect me on the third day. I made the final preparations through last week and now I can get to business. Quitting my job was easy, as was stocking up on food and all the house hold basics I would need so I would not have to leave the house and interrupt my training. Getting some of the other items was not so easy, but the Netherlands is a liberal country.
I wonder if anyone has ever done this before. Sure I have talked with other members of the MC community, where I met my sweet mistress Nikki; humm… I’m getting wet just thinking about her, just writing her name. Nikki… Some of the community have mistresses or masters, or are slaves and have trigger words from hypnosis; but has anyone ever taken our fetish to the level I am attempting? I don’t think so. It is new territory, and that makes it even more exciting, and a little scary.
Before I started the first session I did a quick check that everything I require is to hand and the room was prepared before I got to messed up to be able to deal with it. I didn’t want anything to distract me from Nikki’s sweet husky voice.
The windows are large Dutch style; they seem to like everyone to be able to see into their house and put tulips everywhere, even if it is there bedroom, but not me. I drew the blinds and draped a heavy black cloth over them to completely block out the light. I wanted to lose all sense of time. Next I arranged the speakers around the room, and connect them to my ipod. Surround sound baby! I already had the playlist I wanted on loop. Nikki had made them especially for this project.
A large bottle of water I placed next to the bed and on the bedside table I place the drugs scientifically worked out for the best affect with the help of my Mistress.
Two Valiums to help me lie on the bed for long periods of time while Nikki’s voice works her magic, and a portion of San Pedro cactus extract, or Mescaline, which tasted disgusting. The CIA reportedly used LSD in their brain washing experiments, but this was the best substitute I could get. Not that I believe any of that conspiracy crap, though after last night I don’t doubt it is possible.
I took the Valium with a few sips of the water, and then forced down Mescaline in a single gulp and ate a mint afterwards. I tingled with excitement and anticipation. Would it work? What would happen? There was only one way to find out.
While I waited for them to kick in I dressed myself in front of the mirror. I did it slowly like a ritual or a sacrifice, which I suppose in a way it was. I was offering myself to Nikki, body and mind. I only hoped then that it would work. I applied make up to my face. Scarlet red lip stick which contrasted against my quite pale skin excellently and I pout at my reflection in admiration. Next I applied eye-liner and mascara, just a touch to bring out the blue of my eyes. And I brushed my dark red hair flat so it hangs down my back and over my shoulders, tickling my breasts slightly. After a few moments I decide to wear nothing but a black silk pair of stockings which come up to the top of my thigh and gave a terrific sensation as I pulled them up slowly, smiling at myself in the mirror. I want easy access to my-self, and I ran a finger through my already slick pussy to demonstrate.
As I stood there looking at my reflection things started to shift slightly, like they were swaying gently back and forth. Time to begin I think. I leaned forwards and checked my pupils in the mirror, they were dilated to the size of dinner plates and my reflection gives me a Cheshire cat grin, my trip is beginning, I thought, but where will it take me? It was time to find out.
I walked to the ipod and pressed play, then went to turn off the light and walked a bit shakily and with a feeling of weightlessness in the dark to the bed. As I crawl onto the bed Nikki’s voice starts to fill the room, the surround sound speakers making it seem like she is everywhere, husky and powerful like a goddess; which of course she is.
‘Hello Sarah, and welcome to this session. I hope you enjoy it. But of course I know you will my pretty hypnotic toy. As you know this session is designed to implant key words into your mind, to enable you to fall into trance easier in later sessions… the key words being; falling deeper now. That’s right; these are the words I have used in all my sessions so it will be worth your while if you want to go really deep.’
I had listened to the sessions she sells on the internet which contain this trigger many times already, so many that just the sound of her voice has started to hold some sway over me, and as I lied there in the dark, so absolute I could see only swirling thick blackness in front of me; which seemed to pulse with life I feel a pull at my conscious mind, like someone slowly drawing the curtains. My eye lids grow heavy and start drooping as she continues talking but I fight the feeling a little, enjoying the struggle against the inevitable, the seduction of it and relish it.
‘I want you to start relaxing for me Sarah. As you take a breath in I want you to imagine you are breathing in relaxation, that’s right and hold it for me, 3 2 1, and exhale. And feel all the tension leave you body.’
I did as she told me, as I always do, and felt calm relaxation coming over myself, a peace which I have never felt anywhere else before. I have to really try to keep my eyes open now as they get even heavier
‘That’s right my pretty, you’re doing very well. Now I’m going to count down from 10 to 1 and with each number you are going to go deeper into hypnosis’ her sexy voice tells me as binaural sound starts in the background. And she was right. I was about to go deeper than I had ever gone before.
’10, feelings of relaxation flowing through you, starting in your toes and moving up slowly into your foot. You may start to feel a tingling sensation.
9, your mind is starting to relax now, starting to empty all the conscious every day things that you don’t need here. Just let them go and relax further, listening to my soothing voice and let my words and your subconscious guide you.
8, you can feel the relaxation moving further up now, creeping into your calves relaxing them totally, so relaxed that if you tried to move them you would be unable to and moving faster now up into your legs, spreading that relaxing sensation.
7, letting go of everything now as my voice takes you deeper, as you can feel yourself falling deeper now. Every time you hear me say those words; falling deeper now you will fall into trance for me. ‘
That did it for me, after all the times I had listened to her. My eyes slammed shut, though it was no darker with them shut than open. I felt my mind ooze to putty happily and empty even further as I felt feeling of arousal start, now that I was back in trance and under her control; were I belonged and with luck will be forever.
6, your legs are now completely relaxed and unable to move
5, Feel that relaxation moving up into your stomach, feel it tingling as it relaxes you more
4, Falling deeper now…let your conscious mind go for me Sarah so you can become mine (her I think I moaned ‘yes mistress’)
3, feel that relaxation moving into your chest, it is moving quickly now, sweeping through your body, consuming it like my voice is your pretty mind
2, your whole body is completely relaxed and tingling and totally unable to move. Unable to do anything but what I say. Are you ready to be mine Sarah? (yesss misstreess, I slurred)
1, Sleep! (Snap of her fingers)

And my minds curtains are fully drawn.

When I and Mistress Nikki were planning this she told me that some parts of the new sessions, unlike the ones I bought on the internet, I would not be able to remember. She said that it was best for my programming, and I agree. I want to be controlled, be her toy, and losing some of my memory to her will I find a very sexy part of that.
For her to even control what I remember, what I do… I am wet again just from writing about it. Maybe becoming aroused at the thought of losing my memory is one of the instructions I have been hypnotised to forget! What a delicious logic circle, just the kind of thing she would do.
The only problem is that it is not easy to write with a hole in your memory! So I will put down what I remember as best as I can, and try to keep the narrative as linier as possible for all my readers out there in the MC community, keen to see my progress.
The next thing I remember or I think it is the next thing, is Nikkis voice saying ‘And you can come back now Sarah, you have been such a good girl listening to my instructions. But I don’t want you to miss the rest of what I have planned for you. How do you feel? I’ll bet it is very good isn’t it? The Mescaline should be kicking in now’
And boy did it kick in! I had never done any hard drugs before, only a little weed as a teen, but this…It was like a different world! It felt like my bed was moving at speed through the darkness; my limbs were alight with sensation, but I found I could not move them, perhaps it was an instruction Nikki gave me, perhaps just the valium and trance making them heavy. But I loved the helpless, submissive feeling it gave me. Everything felt profound like a religious experience, meaningful and right. Her voice resonated like it was god talking to me. But it was a goddess instead.
‘And that stuff gives one hell of a feeling. I want you to imagine that I have come to collect you; you have been such a good girl Sarah. You have completed all your training and you have become the perfect hypnotic toy you long to be. You respond so easily to my commands now. It’s almost as if there is a voice inside your head telling you what to do. And you always do what the voice says. Without even thinking you always obey the voice. In fact the more the voice talks the harder you will find it to think at all; it is so hard to think for yourself Sarah, so you simply obey the voice without thinking.
You are standing before me, wearing nothing but black silk stockings…yes that’s right, I knew you would pick them…I made you pick them, made you want them. I walk up to you and I tell you to look into my eyes. You can feel them pulling you as you start to fall; and you are falling deeper now... You feel arousal start to spread through you as you look into my eyes, feel them pull you in as you have conditioned yourself and want them to do. As you must do, must obey. And the more you obey, the more aroused you become. The more aroused you become, the more you obey.’
And I did, my body was responding to her voice with the same accuracy as this keyboard does to my touch, at that time I believed what she said was happening, my mind’s eye painting the picture of standing before her unable to move and been entranced so vividly. My pussy was dripping; my nipples rock hard and throbbing.
‘Take your nipple in your hand and squeeze it. You like that don’t you?’
‘Yes mistress’ (though whether in my head or out load I don’t know, and I automatically squeeze my nipple!)
‘Good girl, you have been such an obedient and pretty hypnotic slave Sarah, it is time to give you a reward. I want you to reach down and touch your wet pussy for me. That’s it, feel all that slickness; all that arousal that you have built up for me, from obeying my voice.
Keep playing with yourself; I want to watch you cum for your mistress. Finger your pussy for me; you do it for me, because my voice tells you. You love this feeling; you associate this feeling with my voice. Only obeying my voice can give you this feeling. With each second you become more mine, each second you finger yourself dreaming of me I own your mind more. And that is what you want isn’t it? To be controlled, for me to control you. It is so wet and hot isn’t it Sarah, you are wet and hot for me, and only me.
Feel your arousal build towards a climax Sarah. Hypnosis arouses you, arousal is hypnosis. When I tell you to cum, you will do it for me Sarah, making your mind mine, my pretty slut. Cum for me now my sex slave…’
An orgasm ripped through me, the world spinning and flashes of light popping up as the power of the orgasm interrupted my fantasy, bringing me back to the reality of the bed; and I realise where I am and what has happened and it feels great.
‘Good girl… now SLEEP!’
It was the best orgasm of my life, so intense my pussy tensed round my slicked up fingers hard, and spazmed afterwards. I don’t remember what happened after she said sleep again but I know there was a lot more files on the play list I can’t remember hearing, but must have. I wonder what tinkering my sweet mistress has been doing with my brain. I may have been cuming all night for all I know. The bed sheets were still wet under my bum when I woke up, I think I squirted. I am looking forwards to part 2, which I will start as soon as I have finished eating this sandwich and writing my blog, which I have now... Wish me luck, Sarah. Xx



02/09/2011
So I have now finished phase two of my treatment. My head hurts slightly, with a slight ringing in my ears and, if it makes sense, feels empty; and my pussy is swollen and tender to the touch.
I feel a little bit scared though, despite how turned on this is making me; I can’t quell the fears rising inside me. I am changing my-self so fundamentally that there may be no way back; giving up my entire life, my free will. I can feel very definite changes inside me and am having trouble typing and processing my sentences. But Nikki is on her way to collect me, and I know I will not be able to say no to her. The thought of it excites me too much to run, despite my fears, she has me hooked already.
I will try to finish this blog before she arrives, who knows if I will be able to after? Nikki said that for the best affect I should have as little time in-between sessions as possible so that all the suggestions were as fresh and powerful as possible. So after a quick bit to eat, shower and writing the blog I went straight back to the dark room.
I went to my cupboard and wondered what to wear this time. That Nikki had known or somehow manipulated me into picking stockings had scared me slightly, as that had been the first session. It also aroused me that I had already been under her control. But it raised the question of how she did it. The hypnosis mp3s from here site are not meant to have hidden suggestion in them, but how would I know if that’s true? I have already seen how easily she can make me forget. I wondered how long, and how has she been doing it? When we spoke on the phone, had she hypnotised me then? It was possible. Was brainwashing my-self even my idea or hers? I don’t know; it was very hard to think.
As I stood there I could feel an impulse for something, like when you buy a chocolate bar without planning to at the 24/7 counter, and reached into a draw and pulled out a black tie I had not used in years. Without thinking I slipped it round my neck, enjoying the cold silk on my skin. I tied a nose knot and pulled it until it formed a band round my neck with the long end trailing over my shoulder. It felt like I had just scratched a bad itch, so fucking good.
Then I looked in the mirror and realised that I had made a collar and leash. I felt my nipples harden as I looked at myself. Automatically I pinched them and moaned, sliding one hand down to my pussy while the other rolled the nipple between my thumb and finger.
I got lost in the moment, carrying out a post hypnotic suggestion that I’m sure I had been programmed to do yesterday, sticking a finger in my pussy and curving it up to hit my g-spot. I looked at myself in the mirror as my arousal grew, my breasts heaving and my pale skin flushed. I moaned Nikkis name again and again like a mantra. I was so wet I felt drops rolling down the inside of my thigh making a slick lather between my legs. I pressed my legs together and enjoyed the feeling of my wet thighs gliding across each other and started rubbing my clit, weak at the knees.
Then with the now familiar without thinking impulse I reached to the neck and pulled the leash, tightening until it chocked my slightly.
‘I am controlled by Nikki’ I groaned as I continued fucking my-self, my orgasm seconds away ‘I am controlled by Nikki, I am controlled by Nikki, I am…urrggh’ that is as close to the sound I made when cuming as I can get via typing. It was like waking up after I had cum, control over my body and mind coming back. And my old fears came back. But also a sense of awe at what happened; it was incredible. I decided to go for it right then, looking at my hard nipples and glistening pussy and thighs. This is what I wanted, to feel like this, and I couldn’t deny it, no matter how sacred and unsure I was about the consequences.
I wiped the wetness from between my legs; though I was sure it would be back and set about setting up the second session. The same set up, though a different play list and different drugs to be taken. I take two Valiums again with a sip of water, then chop out two lines of Ritalin with a bank card, feeling very gangster. I have never snorted any drugs before, but I do after a nervous pause and am surprised by the burning sensation it causes, and like it in a strange way.
It acts straight away, and I feel a rush starting, a slight buzz starting to ring in my mind. I became very focused on what I had to do, and set about doing them.
Soon I was back in the dark, on the bed wearing nothing but the tie collar with Nikkis voice filling all the room.
‘Welcome back Sarah; I hope you enjoyed your moment with the collar, I wonder what you used, an old scarf? I will ask you tomorrow. I imagine you will be a bit more focused on my words today than normal, Ritalin is good for that, and it will make it very hard for you not to focus on exactly what I am saying, even if you don’t want to; even if you know it is bad for you, you won’t be able to help falling deeper now… ‘
And again I felt my body and mind start to turn to lovely warm mush, my eyelids start to grow heavy as she continued speaking.
‘Just think, when you wake up, you will never be the same again. SLEEP!’
And my mind went black, covered in a warm haze that I can’t quite explain or remember what happened. When I woke the sheets were wet again, and my pussy tender as if I had been touching myself all night. And about 8 hours of playlist time I cannot remember. I am scared and paranoid about why I wanted to do this, my mind telling me that she has tricked me somehow. Yes I liked been hypnotised before I had even heard of her, it always had a strange sexual pull over me. The warm relaxing, seductive feeling of been lulled into trance; the submission it requires and the control it gives someone over you. But had I wanted nothing but that? Or had she put that desire in me somehow.
I think I know. Let this blog serve as a warning to the rest of the MC community, and a warning of Mistress Nikkis power.I don’t know if I want this anymore, I’m so confused; I just can’t bring myself to run or call for help, or do anything. I keep trying to think of it, what I need to do to get out before it is too late; but all that comes to my mind is the image of me in front of the mirror with the collar on, moaning, and it won’t budge. My nipples are still hard, my pussy is literally aching with desire; so much it hurts a little.
The most I can do is sit here and type. I am wearing the black stockings again; I can feel that is what she has told me to do, the automatic way I picked up and slid the soft silk up my thigh. Will it be just like my fantasy? That’s the door, I think it is her.