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Bedwetting and Altered Consciousness

by dlmolicares

Bedwetting and Altered Consciousness

Robert was raised in a conservative family; all loved which would have made for the perfect typical suburban childhood except for one thing. He liked diapers. It was the one piece that was incongruent with everything else in his life. It simply didn't fit. So, even as a teenager and early adult, he went through phases of shameful indulgence to periods of attempting to cut this odd piece out of his life.
As the years went on, he grew into the freedom that adulthood brings yet found the same incongruence- just because he was free to indulge, should he indulge. Is it "right" or is it not?
He continued to lead a successful life, and with it came new pressures. Suddenly he was the leader of many things both domestic and corporate, and there was no place for him to be a follower. There was no place where he could be the one that was taken care of. Then everything shifted.
As happens in life, loved ones pass. Those left behind reflect on the loved one's life, their own lives, and try to understand what this short ride is all about. This happened to Robert, and he found himself exploring all of these questions.
He looked back on his conservative ways, and the voices that were still in his mind... This is right, and that is wrong. He wondered if living a life constrained by others definitions of right and wrong made sense at all. For we all end up in a casket some day, what is it that we'll want to have done? Right became about living its life to the fullest, wrong became living with constraints constructed by others. Thus also began a metaphysical journey, with a desire to delve into the meaning of reality, how it's constructed, and the brain's subconscious and conscious process.
With a new right and wrong, he turned his thoughts to the diapers he'd been on and off of for so many years. They brought pleasure, but why? There was some pleasure at the warmth of a new wetting, but there was another more important part - giving up control. He began to think of diapers as a representation of the antithesis of his daily life. While he was out conquering or saving the world, he could create a place where he didn't control anything at all.
Being in diapers full time wasn't practical given his day to day responsibilities but if he were to wet the bed, truly to wet the bed, every night he'd need to wear his diapers, and every night he'd predictably wake up wet- outside of his control.
The challenge was that his body was not wired to wet the bed. He had been dry since he got out of diapers, and never had a problem with bedwetting. So his obstacle became the decades of hardwired behavior that was purely subconscious. If he drank a lot of water before bed, he would wake up at night needing to pee. If he peed, he wouldn't have lost control; he would have just woken up and peed himself, fully in control as much as using the toilet.
Armed with clarity on the goal of becoming a bed wetter, and the reasoning behind it, he began looking for resources and discovered hypnosis. He'd never tried hypnosis, but it seemed like the best way of achieving his goal. He realized it could also lead him on a metaphysical journey. Having never meditated, hypnosis could provide a route to quieting his mind. And with the mind quiet, he could be open to understand more about who he is, and what else is out there.
Through the Internet, he downloaded various female voiced hypnosis files focused on becoming a bed wetter and discussed his goals with a friend who was a hypnotist. The first time he listened to a tape, he was hooked. The scale of time changed, it was all together a different experience than he'd ever had. As a bonus, it could lead him to his other goal.
He began to liken hypnosis to working out- instead of training his body; he was training his mind to go ever deeper. He enjoyed deleted the wake up statements so he could drift to sleep while in trance. His dreams were interwoven with trance images, at some point later waking up fully and realizing he had been in trance the whole time.
He would wet every night, usually consciously. Every now and then he'd have to think really hard about whether his wetting was something he woke up and did or if he did it in his sleep.
Through trance he began to see images from decades previous. They were with great clarity. Vivid memories otherwise long forgotten. He was hooked. He shared his experiences with his friend, and she encouraged him to enjoy the experience.
He continued to work to go deeper and deeper each time. He learned to let go of conscious thoughts and to not analyze or even listen to suggestions, but to let them be like rain drops landing on a field, yielding crops over time. It was his opportunity to drop his brain into neutral and to occasionally make progress towards his goal. Then something happened.
In trance, he saw something representative of a cliff. The induction, the suggestions, all were pointing him to go over the cliff and into the darkness. He was afraid to do it. What was left of his conscious mind pulled him back and he drifted through the rest of the file as he normally would.
Afterwards in a dream, a lady came up to hypnotize him. He resisted in the dream, fearful and not knowing who she was or what she would do.
He discussed it with his friend, and learned that hypnosis can't be physically harmful. Going over that cliff would take him somewhere else, but it wouldn't stop his breathing or heart. The dream is a mind bender, because the lady in the dream was coming from his subconscious, so whatever hypnosis she would do to him in his dream would actually be he hypnotizing himself!
Most importantly, his conscious goal was to give up and lose control. Why did he pull back? Why didn't he jump over the cliff? Why didn't he let her hypnotize him? He became determined to take the leap next time.
Sometime later, he hit got another chance. While quite deep, he started to slide down somewhere. There was a sudden stark contrast between just being deep, and sliding into the new place. He was not controlling it. Although he could wake up with effort if he wanted, absent that effort he continued to slide somewhere or into something. He continued to drift wherever. Darkness, but the visualization of movement, as if sliding down a tunnel. A tinge of green. Nothing, yet something, was there. He no longer heard the hypnotist's voice, and had no conscious thoughts. Eventually (he didn't know how long later), he felt a small inkling that he should go back and check his body. He felt like he was returning to his body. He felt warmer. Pulse normal, breathing normal. Apparently he hadn't passed out or stopped breathing because his heart and breathing were so relaxed.
So where in the world had he gone, or was it not in the world. What did it mean?
Robert didn't know, but what he did know was that he was going to go there again, and he did...


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