Sensation

   Instead of if I do not desire to release my bowels, my being ordered to release my bowels. The terror of my being trapped to not just sit on my bowel release. But repeatedly wet onto my bowel release. Because of disgust, the option of not pooping the diaper needs to be taken. My clenching to hold stool back needs to be taken while diapered.

   This headspace, of relaxing when needing the urge to release bowels. After filling the diaper being compelled to grab it if safe more padding. Where easier when diapered bowel movements will be trained.  By holding my bottom in this soiled diaper, to soak the movement. Or even better hold the bowel movement, until the diaper is sagging.  Because if the wetness already exists, the cleanup will be more disgusting.

   I want to know what it is like, to hold the bowel content until the diaper is wet and heavy, so the smearing of diaper soil can make the experience undeniably real. Because what I want in a bowel curse, is the scent that will make me want to clean up with a bath or shower.