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izatga88's Recent Entries

Screw it....

by izatga88

I was only posting a comment, but it's just gotten so large.... Also, thanks for the PM Min!

Almost had sex something like twice, but the timing was bad in both cases. I cant really remember what I was yelling, but it was stuff like "dirty slut, dumb bimbo, need cock....blah blah" - stuff that can't be explained to the family. @_@

What throws me for a loop so much is that it doesn't feel like I'm triggered into "bimbo-mode" when it's safe, but rather that I'm normally a bimbo, yet triggered into "serious-mode". I was slipping in & out ALL DAY while I was out with friends, and literally came ~THIS~ close to pulling one aside & dropping down for a blowjob without even giving it a second thought. I chickened out when I realised I'd finish up with it & not be able to face him again....."normally" afterward.

I could probably work on some AI logic right now - I'm that on top of stuff, yet.....everything feels different....the line has....blurred I guess. I CANNOT rest peacefully until my tits are large enough to suck on myself....I don't care how fake I wind up looking, I can't keep living unless I look like some kind of blow-up Barbie and get my brain fucked straight out of my skull.... ~ and oh ya, have ya'll been reading any interesting science papers lately? *orgasms all over desk*

I'm tiiiiiiired, I still have not gone to bed yet, I just crowbarred myself out of my outfit & now I want to drop. If things continue like this, I might "accidentally" find myself under a co-worker's desk without realising it.....or maybe that's what I need? Smash my control & give myself the excuse to turn into a whore.....I REALLY REALLY want an excuse.......my pussy is SCREAMING for one right now.

Comments

- izatga88

Ah, almost forgot 1 last bit of fun - I've apparently been creeping the hell out of people I know, since it seems that not only has my language "warped" from all of this, but now I'm flirting almost like my life depended on it like 24/7.....feels like my brain is melting & my tits are bouncing.

- izatga88

Can't....stop....urge....

Forgot again (hmm, this might be a bit....of a concern with all the forgetting....) ~ I CANNOT move.....non-sexually. There's like, normal-person posture when standing/sitting/walking, & then there is sticking your ass & tits out like you're begging to be fucked.

Without realising it, I went out in a tiny-ass, low-cut top and spent the day feeling like my ass was spread wide open, back arched & waiting for a cock to slide in my pussy.....with FRIENDS. Gahh....someone HAD to have either seen my panties or my tits hanging out of my clothes at some point.... @_@

- mutatedbunnyboy

Why are you wearing panties? ;)

- Guuliar

My vote is, you've built all this up and you have yet to have a single release. I think that's the reason why it's so strong. It's the same way with most guys, minus the sensitivity part. I think you really need to just have sex with someone and then see where you can go from there. Make that final push, and things might be very different from what you expect on the other side.

- BillionSix

Either that, or having sex will bust the dam open and the old her will go away forever.

- ParanoidLord

Yeah, I'd have to side with the 'sex as reinforcement' thing. As far as I know, sexual release doesn't really reduce one's overall need for sex - if it's pleasurable enough, it'll act like a drug and reinforce desires. Basically, what I'd go for is some sort of 'shutdown/reboot' of your sexual cycle, only grasping some aspect of normality... or programming if you're absolutely sure you can handle it.

- Plaat

Are you masturbating on a regular basis? Having organizes sexual releases might help? Over wise it sounds like your in the danger zone again. You could find a fuck buddy as an outlet otherwise you need to tone down the training, but I don't think the dam theory has anything behind it. get the cock safely and you can rationalize how your on track to mellowing out. Do it in normal mode. So sex happens when your intact. That's my suggestion.

- izatga88

Ugh....VERY bad day....I woke up nice & excited to get going with my morning, and the yogurt I had with my breakfast must have been spoiled - I've been near-death with food poisoning all day....

I just feel so drained....life sucks. It's times like these I seriously wish I could nuke my mind & find someone that can actually afford good food & secure living conditions in exchange for eternal sexual gratitude.

- izatga88

The sun is actually going to be rising in a while, and I still can't get to sleep.....I honestly don't know what to day about this whole situation - my mind keeps like, flipping back & forth between wanting to be a well-loved blow-up doll or being totally turned off & stuff by guys thta view womn as sexual objects.

- mutatedbunnyboy

I think the key thing is respect, find a guy who respects you. If you want things for sex then get a sugar daddy.

- nativedragon

IZ there's a fiile somewhere's on here that makes you want to be smart but the smarter to gets the more slutish you gets.....if you ever want to get smart again but still not be a "Know it all bitch" like you've called the old you then i would suggest looking for that file :|

- Fjm

You seem confused...

- starchildskiss78

Sorry about the food poisoning! Hope you feel better soon...I can attest food poisoning is NOT fun...

- Guuliar

Oh yeah, I saw that one. I wonder if the bimbo files will work on me. Maybe that's why fem files don't work because I already think of myself as a girl most of the time O.o

- nativedragon

IZ how is verything going with ya? update us please :)

- zapnosis

These periods of doubt and uncertainty seem to be quite a common thing for people using long-term mind control effects. But hey, sometimes we all need a rest. Hope you're feeling better IZ and remember that people always forget to polish the underside of their desks... someone's gotta do it, right? ;)

- Whimsical

It's been a while, iz- you ok?

- Dauric

Hmm. It's interesting that TammyToy was using a similar routine and stopped updating around 7 months as well.

- xHeartx

I have to admit, I wish the posting suggestions were working as well as the others. It's almost as though a tv show I like watching started airing totally at random, with gaps as long as a few months.

- nativedragon

it's been almost a month iz where are you? :(

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