I cant get to sleep. I seriously don't know what's wrong with me.......this whole situation is just.....icky. My dad stopped by for a visit earlier (before dinner) to say hi, and wound up saying something during conversation (about my outfit) that completely melted me down & triggered me. Shortly afterward, I actually blurted something bimbo-y and sexual out......right in front of him that caused my sister to pull me aside afterward and tell me "that was messed up" & that he seriously looked disturbed afterwards.

I couldn't shake it - I spent 3 hours trying to bring myself to orgasm before bed, and it just wasn't happening. My head has been a whirlwind of wanting to suck cock & giggling ever since I was triggered earlier, and my thoughts keep dancing back and forth so much that I just do not feel tired.

The other thing that's occupying my thoughts right now.....borderlining obsession even.....my whore of a friend that completely fucked my brains out. The one from college that gave me that lesbian experience actually texted me tonight to "apologise" for taking advantage of me and was worried since I wasn't saying anything to her. The bitch then actually ADMITTED that she invited me over just to tease me since she saw my......reaction to her new body.....but that she got a little too drunk and took it too far - but I'd at least seemed to like it.

I cant deny it. I had multiple points at which I could have stopped her, and instead I was even screaming for more ("screaming" may be exaggerating) in a spot or too. It felt great, and I'd honestly not resist if it were to happen again.....

BUT! What pisses me off here is that she pretty much fucking admitted that she was just screwing with me the whole time. Not only did she call me out originally just to taunt me and show herself off, but then she goes and jerks me around NOT for a connection or anything meaningful or fun, but to tease & torture me just to make herself feel better. WTF?!?!?!? I mean, really!!!

I'm pissed. I'm done. After messaging back and forth, she says she wants me to come over tomorrow - she took Monday off work for an appointment later in the day, so she wants me to come over again (rather, seems to be ~seducing me~ to come over) Sunday night and hang out. It is VERY obvious that she's expecting me to come in giggling and dripping-wet for her to play with. I seriously REFUSE to be toyed around with by her just so she can make herself feel like a bigger/better person or whatever.

And so that's where I'm at right now mentally as I sit here sleepless: I'm ~absolutely~ planning on going over tomorrow. She's going to expect to get us buzzed/drunk, and then spend the evening completely taking advantage of me (make no mistake, she's made it pretty clear she's doing this for herself). I'm not going to let her do that.

I've been brushing up on brainwashing info this week to refine some stuff I've been using on myself. Stuff like breaking down a person's personality, replacing everything with a new belief system or identity - the science behind it.....tomorrow night when I go over, I'm going to turn the tables on her. If she thinks that her "ability" to spend more money than me for the kind of body I could only hope to have at some point later makes her a superior person to the point that she can hang it over my head and taunt me with it, I'm going to help her along with the rest of the process - she's already got the body of a bimbo.....with just a little provoking from me, I might as well help her complete her transformation even if she never intended to take it that far since she seems so pleased with flaunting it everywhere anyways.

I already have the heavy duct tape, sleeping mask, and MP3 player/headset. Her office chair for her PC is the same type as mine - perfect for tying a person down with the tape to be helpless & reclining back really far. She keeps a ton of ice stocked for her booze, and I'm going to pick up as many $10 egg vibrators on my way over to her place as I can afford......plus a condom for the grand finale. So long as she doesn't catch on to what I'm intending, I'm going to let her get buzzed enough to be malleable, duct tape/tie her to the chair, ~playfully~ torture her with the vibrators & ice, and then loop "Sex Obsessed Bimbo" for as long as I can while I hardcore-condition and brainwash the hell out of her (I mean, geez - after a year of doing it to myself, I know EVERY button to push and what to say & do to her that will break her.....pretty much.....). If I can get away with everything I have planned tomorrow night, she'll be my "happy bimbo play-friend" in just a few weeks~ Wish me luck~! :D